WUNRN
Al-Shorfa.com - http://www.al-shorfa.com/cocoon/meii/xhtml/en_GB/features/meii/features/main/2010/07/31/feature-02
[AHMAD
GHARABLI/AFP/Getty Images] Divorced women in |
Um Yousef declined to discuss her
second divorce with her family members because she fears the harsh reaction she
will encounter.
Her reluctance to discuss her
second divorce is understandable given the difficulty she experienced with
family members after her first one.
She currently lives with one of
her married sisters while dealing with her "life partner", who
executed a quick divorce simply by saying, "I divorce you".
Um Yousef, 25, told Al-Shorfa,
"When I received the first divorce I went to my father's house where my
brothers and cousins exerted a lot of pressure and deliberately humiliated me
because of what they were hearing about me in the community."
Yemeni women who undergo divorce
like Um Yousef are typically shunned by their own family members who side with
the husband, regardless of the circumstances of the marriage. Um Yousef and
others have few supporters among friends, family and the community at
large.
They become social outcasts,
often viewed as failures by their peers.
"They told
me I shamed them as though I had committed a crime," Um Yousef said.
"My father suffered a lot mentally, especially given the words of
merciless people, even though the cause of divorce is a difference in
viewpoints. They forced me to return to my husband on the first request and did
not exert any pressure on him because he is a man."
Lol Ahmed, 23, described her great
suffering following a divorce.
"It is agony, especially
since I was beaten by my brothers on a daily basis in addition to the
psychological stress from my family and those around me at work where I was
sexually harassed," she said. "Due to these conditions, I accepted
the first wealthy bridegroom to propose to me, but he was 40 years older and
has nine children."
Divorced women are viewed as
flawed, and younger men who choose to marry them encounter resistance from
their families.
Mohamed Hassan, 25, told
Al-Shorfa, "I fell in love with a co-worker, a divorcee, and my family
rejected the idea of marrying her. They said the divorced woman would be a
stigma on the family."
A study conducted by the Centre
for Gender and Development Research and Studies at the University of Sanaa and
the Women's Research Centre at the University of Aden confirmed that divorced
women are the group most vulnerable to physical violence and sexual harassment.
Divorced women are victims of violence perpetrated by men and women.
"Society takes a harsh view
of divorced women," said Dr. Najat Al-Saem, a professor of sociology at
the
The study was conducted in six
Yemeni provinces, and research revealed that divorced women are sometimes
treated like criminals, Al-Saem said.
"In some regions, divorced
women are those most vulnerable to violence, harassment, kidnapping and rape,
and divorced women are subjected to physical violence by fathers and brothers
more than non-divorced women. They are also subjected to psychological violence
by girls."
"Divorced women face major pressure, even from their relatives, and this is tied to the demeaning view of them," she said. "Customs and traditions contributed greatly to this, and some argue that women are lacking mentally and religiously and must comply with the restrictions society imposes on them, especially when they are divorced."
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World Pulse Magazine - http://www.worldpulse.com/node/34395
This article is part of a
writing assignment for Voices
of Our Future, which is providing rigorous web 2.0 and new media training
for 30 emerging women leaders. We are speaking out for social change from some
of the most unheard regions of the world.
YEMEN - DIVORCED WOMEN
By sahar
| February 9, 2011
Awatef is a divorced woman living in
Aden city. Awatef's name refers to feelings and emotions in Arabic. However ,
her life presented the sad side of these feelings symbolized with pain, misery,
submission and disempowerment .She is now in late forties, uneducated, unknown
and even unemployed, but bright.
She was married when she was twenty
years and her marriage lasted for less than three years. She was divorced when
she was pregnant with her second daughter . Thus, she returned to her father's
home with her two daughters . Now, her daughters are over late twenties , while
she remains the same daughter in her father's house receiving an insignificant
amount of money (20 $)as an alimony every month. Therefore, her daughters did
not finish their education and were off to work in a young age.
There are many "Awatefs" in
Yemen as if we can find a divorced woman in each avenue and yet rarely do they
speak about their stories of struggle. The stories are spanned about alimony
and how it does not fit the life needs for the divorced woman and her
predicate, her kids.
One of the few times that I could not
write and I feel my mind was blocked was when I decided to write about alimony
of divorced women in Yemen. May be it is because this issue has been turned
from being a phenomenon to be a habitual fact. Or may be because I see it
everyday that I could not write about as it is very obvious. Then , I had a
second thought and decided to spot the light on this to share it with women
from all over the globe.
The struggle in the Yemeni traditions
towards women is that they can not reveal about their suffering as it is
considered as breaching the confidentiality of the holy bond of marriage even
if they are divorced. They choose to shut the door of any discussions that create
any debate or another conflict with the divorcee and again choose to be silent.
Alimony in Yemen is a debatable varied issue in courts as it does not have any
standard measures. The judge , court and surrounding circumstances of the
husband control the amount of alimony. On the other hand , women are forced to
receive the little payment to ditch their kids' expenses month after month
silently.
In Aden city , there are almost two
divorced women in each avenue. Moreover, they stay in their parents houses or
if they are lucky enough, they stay in rented houses to rise their kids up by
their own. When divorced women are educated , they can work and support
themselves. However, it is not the case for every educated women as rising kids
is not an easy task for single household mothers. Thus, they tend to work
really hard to depend on themselves for living through working for long hours.
On the other hand, women ,who can resist the alimony norm , fight aggressively
in courts to reclaim their kids rights to get an increased amount of alimony ,
especially when former husbands can afford for it.
The series continue as divorced women
become isolated from the community. They tend to matter only for their own
issues as the community does not accept or tolerate with divorced women and
tend to sentence them with abandon. On the other hand, men , after divorce, can
remarry and start new life. However, divorced women are stigmatized and accused
of the fault of divorce. Consequently, rarely do men approach divorced women and
propose for marriage and if so , the groom's family will hardly accept the
bride or threaten to abandon the man if he insists to get married.
There is a proverb in Arabic saying
that the worst woman's opponent enemy is another woman" and therefore,
women can be the worst in terms of bothering divorced women. They tend to
spread gossiping and blaming divorced women. Moreover, they ask their daughters
not to mingle with divorced women ,even if they are at the same age as they
claim that divorced women can be source of spreading bad habits and loosening
family linkages and threaten the security of other families houses.
The stigma of divorced women does not
stay at this level , but goes beyond to affect the kids as well. As family
structure in Yemen is very rigid, when proposing for marriage ,both families
have to inquire about the other one. Thus , if the bride's mother was divorced,
the groom's family might have a second thought on this holy bond as they feel
hesitant about their reputation and their daughter in law. Thus , divorced
women take the burden on their shoulders and become the reason of their kids'
misery in the narrow- eyed community.
Upon these dilemmas that divorced women
are drown in, few has been done towards this vulnerable category of women.
However, what is needed is an escort-like initiative that accompanies divorced
women to empower them. Thus , this can be done through feminist, legal , mental
health , social and human rights NGOs, but first they should assist themselves.
Divorced women are in need to realize
their situation and work towards a solution that is women based solution that
fits their needs. Thus, they ought to establish a network for divorced women.
This can be achieved through traditional visitation in the community among women
to outreach the divorced ones. Then , when they all meet , they can start an
informal support group so that each one of them can speak up about her
challenges and weaknesses. In this way, they will have a chance to share
experiences and relief the burden. Further, they can assist each other
reciprocally through discussing their issues and bringing up solutions.
A second step would be that they can
come up with a list of connections of people they know that they can be of
great support. This list will help them refresh their resources and never stay
frozen. Therefore, this list can encompass women out of the network who could
potentially be approached for advocating for divorced women rights ,rise up
their issues in courts and advise them with consultations.
As divorced women are stigmatized ,
this network will bring them a strength that they need to empower themselves.
For example , each one of them can teach others a skill that is needed in the
marker as cooking , sewing , making and selling pickles and even opening small
businesses. Thus, these factors will empower them and make them financially
independent and empowered.
After internal and financial
empowerment of divorce women , they will need to share their stories with the
public in order to break up the stigma. Therefore, those women should approach
women associations or even media agencies to speak about their challenges and
successes as well as to extend the network with new members in need of
empowerment. In this way, they will be able to identify and use their
connections to advocate for their issues. Further, this will break the
stereotypes of submissive divorced women . Moreover , it will turn them from
that image to role modals which eventually will make the community proud of
hosting such members.
Do you think it is impossible to
empower divorced women through informal support groups? Absolutely not as they
are taking place in a spontaneous way. They fill in gaps and bridge them to
reach the sphere of security in the community after being a hostile member. And
here Awatef has done this alone. She did approached her divorced neighbors ,
encouraged them to speak and share what they feel. In the morning , she goes to
a divorced neighbor to chat with her about what she cooks and ingredients she
needs. Then , she asks her how she is doing ,assures her that she is not alone
and taps on her back by giving her tips on how to make pickles to be sold. On
afternoon, she goes to another one and have a cup of tea with her chatting
about kids and school and non-ending expenses. Then , she draws an idea of
sewing machine to sew clothes and sell them to shops. It is only the start ,
but more is hoped towards a friendly community embracing all women including
divorced ones as well.